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Arrr You a Pyrate?? Bios of the Modern Pirates!

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SO, YOU THINK YER A PYRATE, AYE?? PROVE IT!!

 

 

Hey thar, matey! Now's yer chance to show tha world that ye really arrrr a Pyrate! Send us your short Pirate Biography (up to 100 words),a Pyrate picture of yerself, and we'll put 'er on up on this here page! We only ask, matey, that ye keep it family oriented, so yer kids can have fun with this here, too!

SEND INFO TO: swashbucklingpress@yahoo.com

Tell all yer sea-dog friends about this page, also! And, don't forget to join The Swashbuckling Press HERE (for free, mind ye!!) and you can have yer OWN page to showcase yer pyrate self - and to invite other pirate friends to have there own page, and ye can interact with each other ~ Have fun!

Pick Yer Pyrate!

Here be a Table of Contents for our Featured Pyrates! Just click on the Pyrate of yer choice to read their Sea Yarn.... (They arrrr listed in the order we received them!)

 

Leyland "Gunner" SilverTongue

 

Robin St Graves - Most Interesting Pirate in the World!

 

Chesty Doubloons

 

Captain Scarlet La Pardoux! 

 

The Grand Sire Zar Aqua - the Ultimate Pirate

 

JOHN CHRISTOPHER "TOPKNOT" ROBERTS

 

Captain Robert Darksoul

 

OLD JOE 

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Leyland "Gunner" SilverTongue

 

Born Leyland O'Donnel an illigetimate son of an English Nobleman Captain of the First Rate HMS Resolute in 1795 while the ship was patrolling along the coast of Ireland the Captain returning to the ship after said black deed to return home to England leaving behind his irish mistress Leyland grew up along the docks of Dublin seeing the proud ships coming and going and once old enough took to the sea as part of the guncrew of HMS Valkryie a frigate of 36guns of the 5th rate to prove his worth to his Nobleman father on his first month out his ship was attacked and taken as a prize by french privateers as they cleared the ship of any surviving crew Leyland maintained his cannon firing into the french privateer even as the rest of the gun crews of his battery was captured or killed as the french sailors surrounded him he put up such a fight that the Captain of the french ship was compelled to offer him parole as he had killed 15 of the french sailors thus greatly reducing the prize crew ordered to repair and sail the crippled HMS Valkryie back to port in so long as he would remain on good behavior until they had returned to port, on the way back to france the 2 ships were attacked by a Pirate Captain known only as Captain Aries ThunderSkull a known freelance Corsair operating in the english channel and with a daring night time attack on the 2 damaged vessels managed to sink the french privateer and boarded the stricken captured english frigate fighting the way below decks to her brig and freeing the imprisoned english crew as they both fought with one another to clear the ship of any remaining french crew and officers in the midst of the fighting Leyland locked blades with the pirate captain while merely defending his ship so as she would not fall into the pirate's hands after a long and bloody battle of endurance both fell unconsious their blades falling from hands too weakened from loss of blood to continue the battle the pirate crew carrying their injured captain back to his ship to heal and the pirate crew out of respect for the fearless irish swordsman what had fought their captain for so long carried him to frigate captain's quarters attending him as one of their own upon both men recovering enough to take up blades again they resumed the fight only yet again to fall back to a stalemate when the pirate Captain remarked he had never met a swordsman quite the caliber of Leyland and sheathed his sword offering him a place amoung his crew on the condition he would return the stricken frigate to her former country with no ransom as a sign of goodwill towards him Leyland agreed to this and began his career as a pirate learning gunnery from the other more experienced gun crew aboard the pirate vessel WaveSweeper commanded by the same Captain Aries Thunderskull years went by and on Leylands 21st birthday found him drilling his batteries on targets set forth in the water 100 yards away when the first rate HMS Resolute spied them off the leeward bow by hearing the boom of WaveSweeper's cannons echoing across the waves like a distant storm on the horizon and after a short pursuit caught the pirate ship outside the bay of Macdougal on the irish coastline within site of the very same town of Dublin the smaller pirate vessel being far superior in terms of speed and manverability managed to avoid the rolling broadsides of the first rate which would spelled annihaltion for the smaller vessel but under Leyland's command the guns of WaveSweeper tore thru the weakpoint at HMS Resolute's stern smashing the length of her from the inside out her masts being shot away and crippling her as the Captain struck their colors the pirates sped away with Leyland roaring laughter uproariously out from the stern at the now shrinking vessel in the distance and was heard to remark these words "Never a day was there that i thought of turning pirate but for save a chance to prove meself the better man in a game of cannon's dance" the crew hearing this from the usaully silent gunner remarked him as being as silvertongued as the devil himself once seeing him talk his way into and out of many a maidens bed in the following days of celebration of the pirate victory over a first rate in port and thus is the known story of the notorious rogue and pirate Leyland "Gunner" SilverTongue.
   

Signed this day of our Lord 8/22 of 2010
Master Gunner of the Corsair Vessel WaveSweeper

Leyland "Gunner" SilverTongue

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Robin St Graves - Most Interesting Pirate in the World!

 

His claim that this is his 4th incarnation as a pirate has been documented in History books.  He once fired the ashes of a deceased friend out of a cannon, as an act of piracy.  He maintains an all-female gun crew.  He served his country in the armed services on two continents.  If you were to raid his digs whilst he is out of port, chances are his kids will kill you and eat you.  He discovered the Fountain of Youth, by accident.  Pirate Luminate consult with him on most matters.  He once refused an Admiralty Commission.  He invented Demon Rum.  He once crowned a Pirate Queen as an excuse to throw a party.  He sired nearly half the children on the Spanish Maine.  He is wanted in several States and as many Countries.  If you were to see him, you'd swear you've already met.  He prefers "the kind".  Everywhere he goes, he is treated like a visiting dignitary.   
 
As a psychic adviser, he has come to be known as the "Master of the Obvious".  He is a card carrying Minister, licensed to marry, bury, baptize, bless and curse.  His artisan crafts are beyond reality.  He has few peers, and fewer enemies.  The testosterone in the atmosphere that surrounds him is so thick, you can cut it with a knife (Oral references available upon request).  Quantum Physics amuses him.  His treasures come with a curse.  He has been a mentor to thousands of troubled youth, teaching at a Juvenile Hall Facitlity.  He believes in and practices exchange in abundance.  He is the most interesting Pirate in the world!

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Chesty Doubloons

 
Chesty Doubloons
More sinister and finer pirate's booty won't be found upon the seven seas. A sorry fate awaits those limp and soggy sailors who dare to cross the voluptuous Ms. Doubloons. Legend tells of the salty rapscallions who've not made good on their promises. Whether it be gifting to her a richly fine portion of their treasure and turning into mean and stingy misers, or declaring their undying devotion only to be found with some poxy tartlet. They beg to walk the plank over shark-infested waters rather than face the wrath of our woman scorned.
 
Melissa Crandall
www.Mellydance.com

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Captain Scarlet La Pardoux!

 

Ok – all dirty, slimy hands on deck! Clear the cat-walk; raise that ‘dare skull' high in the air; and give yer attention ta me! I’m tha lady that receives respect – I’m Captain Scarlet La Pardoux.

It’s hard keeping all these sailor’s attention – I work hard on tha deck; at the helm; and on the crow’s nest – I do it all! Can’t find time to dress like a lady, and have my hair fall around my face in curls like a normal woman! I’m always in cut-off pants; dirty over-sized shirts; and me hair’s pulled back and tied down. Guess I shouldn’t complain, tho, ‘cause all me mates are wearing their hair and clothes just like me – for we’re a crew of women, out to capture a ship of men!

Looks like ya Pirate website is pretty good . . . rather appeals to this here Pirate. Keep it up, matey . . . . Gotta go – thar’s a sudden tidal-wave coming!

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The Grand Sire Zar Aqua - the Ultimate Pirate

 

Dear Swashbuckling Press,

I am looking for a light-weight treasure chest that has lots of containers inside, which are velvet-lined, so that my wife can put all of her acquired jewelry inside! I would like the outside to have lots of painted gold designs on it, and have some water-proof wood-seal applied over the gold!

Also, I’m looking for a spring that broke in my compass! Can you help me find one? And, my poor compass is in need of an “N” . . . (my “N” slipped down, and is resting on the “S”)!

 

Thank you,

Sailor Bob with a latitude!

speaking for his grand Sire Zar Aqua, the ultimate Pirate!

* * * * * *

Dear Sailor Bob with a latitude – who is speaking for his grand Sire Zar Aqua, the ultimate Pirate,

First of all, we have only one treasure chest to this website’s name – and is presently being occupied with all the loot that we have acquired ourselves . . . that is, all this wonderful information that we are offering to all the Swashbuckling fans in the world! And ‘tis indeed decked with gold; jewels; and precious metals! So, we must apologize for not having a spare . . . but we will check inside of Davy Jones’ locker to see what can be found, and we’ll let you know!

As far as having an “N” for your poor, devastated, little compass – well, right now all we have is a spare “E” for East; so, I guess that you’re out of luck there, too! In the meantime, though, just sail West until you spot some land (which should be the island of Spots-Noggle [which is from the position you are just now upon the Spanish Main]). Once there, rent a post-horse [that is, a horse rental] and scurry your way to the local town, which is called Noggle-Noo! Then look for the town’s blacksmith, who’s name is Branded-Pete; and he can sell you all the “N’s” that you can desire! Only thing is, Branded-Pete is a sort of mean rascal, and hard to bargain with! He just might require you to give him your glass eye for payment – seeing as the local towns-children has stolen his glass eye just last month for the annual Marble-Shooting contest! . . . . By the way, his eye won the trophy this year – what a Marble!

Take care,

Your shipmates over at The Swashbuckling Press!

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JOHN CHRISTOPHER "TOPKNOT" ROBERTS

 

John Christopher "Topknot" Roberts, once a humble ship's cooper, was, as a young man, captured by barbary pirates. Without family to ransom him, he survived by offering his services to his captors, and adapted his signature hairstyle as a result. Quite by accident, Topknot was rescued by his cousin, the notorious Bartholomew "Black Bart" Roberts. Topnot and Bart sailed together, but eventually Topknot grew weary of Bart's teetotalling ways and asked for a ship of his own.  Topknot re-christened his ship Outrageous Fortune, a play both on Bart's flagship, the Royal Fortune, and his own lifelong love of Shakespeare. 

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Captain Robert Darksoul

Gentleman of fortune, Founder of MidSouth Buccaneers, Captain of the crew of The King's Revenge....

On a secluded coast of England in 1669, my father was killed by rogue pyrates. They enslaved me, but eventually I became cabin boy on The Kingfisher.

In a battle with Barbary Coast corsairs I was taken on board The Laughing Dragon by Wazoo, who was my captain and became my friend. He put a whip in my hand one day and said that with a soul as dark as mine I should be flogmaster.

With Wazoo's help I became Captain Darksoul of The De Sade. I lost that ship to a mutinous traitor, so I went in to business with Samra the mercantile queen in New Orleans, and there met my friend Mr. Fish, with whom I traveled abroad for a spell.

Returning home we were overtaken by a scurvy crew of pyrates, the very same fellows that had taken my dad from me all those years ago. When we got back to port, Samra and her team of Deadly Roses met the dreaded captain with me. I left none of him alive to history, and I took over his ship.

 

I christened my new ship The King's Revenge, and with my crew The Midsouth Buccaneers, there is none that I fear and no adventure I will not dare.

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OLD JOE, the Pyrate!

Old Joe was given that nickname by his fellow pyrates over the years because, despite his youthful appearance, he was always the oldest on board. Despite his age he was quite the seafarer but his greatest claim to fame was when he enrolled the ship “Hispaniola” to find the treasure of Captain Flint in 1883 at the behest of a young Jim Hawkins. As he was fully versed in all the legends of the sea, he was able to warn them not only of the legend of Captain Flint who killed all of his crew when he buried his treasure on Treasure Island but also had the interesting skill of being able to find a fair wind on a calm day and finding safe harbour in a storm. There were people who also claimed that he could smell a bottle of rum a mile away, but Joe wasn’t that sort of pyrate. Indeed, during the trip he was often seeing feeding Long John Silver’s parrot, Captain Flint, and when the treasure and Long John’s treachery had been discovered he renounced his pyrate ways and was last heard of contesting the 1885 general election as the Liberal candidate for the Wapping district of London.

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